Faithful Parents and Wayward Children

Let me start by saying I love my parents and completely honor and respect the way they raised me. That’s not exactly what this post is about. I would like to focus on a damaging teaching perpetuated by the Mormon church to all faithful parents. Prominent leaders and scriptures offer a prophetic promise to temple sealed parents. Generally, if they hold true to their covenants, follow the commandments, and serve the church faithfully, then their children born and raised in the gospel will be influenced by the spirit and have a greater chance for salvation. Even if children stray from the path they are assured a better chance in the afterlife because of the influence of their faithful parents.

I entirely despise this teaching. Too often this leads to a false belief that if a child becomes wayward, then it was the fault of the parents. They feel regret and guilt thinking that circumstances might be different if only they had been more faithful. Elder Bednar said “One of the greatest heartaches a valiant parent in Zion can suffer is a child who strays from the gospel path. Questions of Why? or What did I do wrong? and How can this child now be helped? are pondered without ceasing in the minds and hearts of such parents.”

This attitude is also reflected in the Mormon scripture 2 Nephi 1, “And I desire that ye should remember to observe the statutes and the judgments of the Lord; behold, this hath been the anxiety of my soul from the beginning. My heart hath been weighed down with sorrow from time to time, for I have feared, lest for the hardness of your hearts the Lord your God should come out in the fullness of his wrath upon you, that ye be cut off and destroyed forever”

There is overwhelming statistical evidence to support the actual reason children leave the Church. It’s not because they’re wicked, lazy, or deceived by Satan. And it most certainly is NOT because of any shortcomings of their faithful parents. The vast majority ex-Mormons report leaving after extensive prayer and study of Church history and doctrine. They desire a better relationship with God and search exhaustively for the truth. Most often this journey leads to the discovery that the Mormon religion is a fraud.

Orson F. Whitney said, “Though some of the sheep may wander, the eye of the Shepherd is upon them, and sooner or later they will feel the tentacles of Divine Providence reaching out after them and drawing them back to the fold. Either in this life or the life to come, they will return.” No, Orson, no they won't return. Speaking for myself, the thing that would cause me to return is evidence. Unfortunately, there is none and I can’t imagine there ever will be. A just and fair God can’t expect me to follow a set of expectations that I can’t know with reasonable certainty.

Another damaging teaching that can be interpreted is that wayward children are bad children. There are good and bad people in and out of the Church. Belief in a God is a separate issue from morality. Given the choice between a good moral Atheist and an ass-hole active Mormon, I imagine most parents would want a good child. Maybe I drink sinful coffee sometime, but at least I support LGBTQ people.

Mom and Dad, I love you and the way you raised me. I wouldn’t change a moment of my childhood. You exceeded parental standards and held nothing back. My upbringing and your righteousness is entirely unrelated to my apostate belief. You’re blameless and completely worthy of the God of your faith. To other parents, do your best to raise morally good people and don’t suffer with guilt if they don’t believe in something without evidence.